There is a number of surfboard design and substance choices that a beginner to surfing will want to choose from.
The first is the Custom Surfboard which is constructed with polyurethane-foam boards, which are then handcrafted to shape, sealed in fiberglass cloth, polyester, and epoxy. They can be made to nearly any specification, and also painted to nearly anything you would want. They are lightweight, but also easily damaged. These are of the most expensive surfboards found, and can last a long time if taken care of.
The next is the Soft Surfboard, which have partially rigid foam inside covered with a foam exterior. They are great for beginner and don?t hurt badly if you get hit with one. They are a lot more limited in sizes and looks from the custom surfboard. They are easy to ride, and aren?t as easily damaged.
Finally, there is the Molded Surfboard, as their name suggests, their material is shaped in a mold and hardened. They are heavier than a custom surfboard, and the cheapest. They are tough, and decent for surfboarding upwards to intermediate skills.
For the beginner, not all boards are as useful. What you will want to consider is price, but also you will want to be sure that the surfboard you purchase is about 18 inches longer than you are tall, as well as at least 19 inches wide at its widest point, and at least 2.5? thick. It will need to catch waves easily for you, and when you are on it, should float stable.
You may want to consider used surfboards, and that?s ok to. There are a few things to look for and avoid however. Among these are unfixed dings, foam discoloration, and even separation of the inner material from the glass or epoxy on the outside. These are signs that water has gotten into the inside of the surfboard. You will want to avoid these. Make sure it?s fins are not loose, and that the leash plug is well in place. You won?t find a perfect surfboard used.
Taking care of your surfboard is also important. Never leave it baking in the sunlight, or locked in hot places. This may cause their materials to separate, discolor them, and make them wear out much faster.
One final important aspect in your surfboard purchases is the surfboard leash. One end attaches to the back of your surfboard, and the other to your ankle. Along with riding waves, your surfboard is also a personal floatation device. If you wipe out and it gets away from you, you could be left with a long swim. Another aspect is that it keeps your board closer and prevents it from flying out at others nearby, possibly injuring them. Some surfboards are fairly heavy.
Leashes are made from elastics and similar. The minimum length should be about 6 feet. You will want it fitted with a rail saver as well. Too short will keep the board where it could easily hit you on the rebound, whereas too long could keep it where you can?t get back to the board so easily, and others can run into it. Always replace your surfboard leash when it?s worn.
sabato 9 febbraio 2008
Ski Club Privileges
No matter where you live, there is a ski club near you. This is true even if you live in a place that does not ever get snowfall! These clubs regularly get together for trips to various mountains, ski areas, and ski resorts. Some are local clubs, meaning that the slopes that they ski on are within driving distance, while others are more national or global, which means that they not only ski locally, if possible, but they also plan ski trips.
There are many different types of clubs throughout the world. In fact, there is a club or organization for just about everything that you can imagine! Skiing is no exception. Ski clubs are a great way to learn new things, and to go on ski vacations with other members. In fact, ski club members often get discounted rates on ski vacation packages.
Arrangements are usually made through the club, so that everyone is eligible for the discounts. The money that is required from each member for the trip is usually paid to the club, and the club passes the funds onto pay for lodging, airfare, meals, lift tickets, and other perks that are included in the trip. Because arrangements are being made for a group of people ? which is usually fairly large ? discounts are given. This benefits all members of the club.
The discounts aren?t the only thing to be excited about. These clubs get together regularly ? even if they aren?t getting together to ski. They join together for other activities as well, such as cookouts and fundraisers. Many ski clubs do annual fundraisers to help less fortunate families and children at Christmas time. Others do annual fundraisers to help preserve the environment ? which is usually a topic of great importance to skiers who love being out in the wide-open spaces and fresh air.
While skiing is what brings these groups together in the first place, it is not necessarily what keeps them together. Their love of a common sport, and their common interests and feeling of community is what keeps them together ? and it keeps them skiing together for years and years. If you are a skier, you should definitely consider joining a club. It doesn?t matter ? in most cases ? what level you are at. Beginners are usually welcomed, and this is a great way for beginners to quickly improve their skills and techniques out on the slopes.
The advantages that these clubs offer are tremendous. Aside from meeting people with common interests and the discount privileges that go along with it, the resources that a club can offer in terms of finding the perfect vacation spot are wide ranging. Because of past experience of other members, you can get a fair review and good advice as to which spot would perfect for your ski vacation.
There are many different types of clubs throughout the world. In fact, there is a club or organization for just about everything that you can imagine! Skiing is no exception. Ski clubs are a great way to learn new things, and to go on ski vacations with other members. In fact, ski club members often get discounted rates on ski vacation packages.
Arrangements are usually made through the club, so that everyone is eligible for the discounts. The money that is required from each member for the trip is usually paid to the club, and the club passes the funds onto pay for lodging, airfare, meals, lift tickets, and other perks that are included in the trip. Because arrangements are being made for a group of people ? which is usually fairly large ? discounts are given. This benefits all members of the club.
The discounts aren?t the only thing to be excited about. These clubs get together regularly ? even if they aren?t getting together to ski. They join together for other activities as well, such as cookouts and fundraisers. Many ski clubs do annual fundraisers to help less fortunate families and children at Christmas time. Others do annual fundraisers to help preserve the environment ? which is usually a topic of great importance to skiers who love being out in the wide-open spaces and fresh air.
While skiing is what brings these groups together in the first place, it is not necessarily what keeps them together. Their love of a common sport, and their common interests and feeling of community is what keeps them together ? and it keeps them skiing together for years and years. If you are a skier, you should definitely consider joining a club. It doesn?t matter ? in most cases ? what level you are at. Beginners are usually welcomed, and this is a great way for beginners to quickly improve their skills and techniques out on the slopes.
The advantages that these clubs offer are tremendous. Aside from meeting people with common interests and the discount privileges that go along with it, the resources that a club can offer in terms of finding the perfect vacation spot are wide ranging. Because of past experience of other members, you can get a fair review and good advice as to which spot would perfect for your ski vacation.
LAUGH AND YOUR HEART LAUGHS WITH YOU
What is 15 minutes in a day? About the time it may take to fill your vehicle with gas? Call a friend or relative and say hi? Order a pizza from your favorite pizza joint (after the ?please hold?)? Did you know there is a way to improve your health in the same amount of time? Researchers have shown that 15 minutes of laughter a day can have about the same benefits as a typical workout. It helps your blood flow which helps your heart. It also helps your immune system function better.
All our lives we have heard ?laughter is the best medicine.? And while we have always known that applies, there is also medical proof to back it. Imagine receiving a prescription at your physicians that is a list of comedies from the video store, and joke books from the book store. They would seem funny pharmacists wouldn?t you agree? Studies have shown that humor and laughter affect the body in many good ways that they didn?t know at one time. Some of the benefits are lower blood pressure, reduced stress (that has many positive effects), and even helps your immune system fight off pain and infection more effectively. Maybe it?s time for this free drug to hit the market on a larger scale. It could start an epidemic of happy people, and likely better health as a direct consequence. Great idea, wouldn?t you agree?
Considering the boost to the immune system, as well a better state of mind, why aren?t more people tuned towards more laughter? Quite possibly because they know a little about it, but assume it?s too good to be true. How could something fun be good? Instead of questioning, maybe it?s time just to try adding some laughter to our lives and see if we realize its great side-effects for ourselves? Maybe we need to go to these strange pharmacists too.
Some signs of it already applied are clown pictures at hospitals (if not the real clown). Have you noticed how well children react to this sort and remember many happy times as a result? It comforts them, and puts smiles on their face. Maybe that is part of the reason they often heal faster. They get this happiness at the circus, birthday parties, in their rooms, and beyond. It helps them to have less stress most of the time. There?s always the doctor starting out with a little joke too that make them smile even harder.
Of course you can?t replace eating and daily exercise completely with laughing, however 15 minutes of laughter a day can complement them nicely. It?s wise to get some comedy in your video library, and in your TV watching, some comedy stations as well. Your heart will benefit greatly from it. Things that make you laugh can be a win-win situation in life. You can get additional boosts by giving some suggestions for gifts in the humor area. As in when someone asks what you want for your birthday, Christmas, mother?s day, father?s day, cousin?s day, any other day. A good funny movie or book, or even something to put on your wall that is funny. Things that bring good laughs will also make your heart happier.
Laughter boosts your well being. While it isn?t the end for great health single handedly, it will supplement it nicely. It is necessary along with good exercise in diet for well balanced health. Haven?t you noticed that healthy people are pretty much happy people as well? Along with their humor and self-worth as they are happier, and usually have a great sense of humor to go with it all, they seem to have a natural knack for handling adversity and stress in general. That is at the roots of it all. Dealing with the stress effects everything else including the blood, blood pressure, and other benefits. So what do you say? Does ?15 minutes of laughter a day keeps the doctor away?, fit maybe? Have you already felt this in your own life? When you laugh, your heart laughs with you. Lighten up and enjoy this new information. Laugh, be happy, and same to your heart.
All our lives we have heard ?laughter is the best medicine.? And while we have always known that applies, there is also medical proof to back it. Imagine receiving a prescription at your physicians that is a list of comedies from the video store, and joke books from the book store. They would seem funny pharmacists wouldn?t you agree? Studies have shown that humor and laughter affect the body in many good ways that they didn?t know at one time. Some of the benefits are lower blood pressure, reduced stress (that has many positive effects), and even helps your immune system fight off pain and infection more effectively. Maybe it?s time for this free drug to hit the market on a larger scale. It could start an epidemic of happy people, and likely better health as a direct consequence. Great idea, wouldn?t you agree?
Considering the boost to the immune system, as well a better state of mind, why aren?t more people tuned towards more laughter? Quite possibly because they know a little about it, but assume it?s too good to be true. How could something fun be good? Instead of questioning, maybe it?s time just to try adding some laughter to our lives and see if we realize its great side-effects for ourselves? Maybe we need to go to these strange pharmacists too.
Some signs of it already applied are clown pictures at hospitals (if not the real clown). Have you noticed how well children react to this sort and remember many happy times as a result? It comforts them, and puts smiles on their face. Maybe that is part of the reason they often heal faster. They get this happiness at the circus, birthday parties, in their rooms, and beyond. It helps them to have less stress most of the time. There?s always the doctor starting out with a little joke too that make them smile even harder.
Of course you can?t replace eating and daily exercise completely with laughing, however 15 minutes of laughter a day can complement them nicely. It?s wise to get some comedy in your video library, and in your TV watching, some comedy stations as well. Your heart will benefit greatly from it. Things that make you laugh can be a win-win situation in life. You can get additional boosts by giving some suggestions for gifts in the humor area. As in when someone asks what you want for your birthday, Christmas, mother?s day, father?s day, cousin?s day, any other day. A good funny movie or book, or even something to put on your wall that is funny. Things that bring good laughs will also make your heart happier.
Laughter boosts your well being. While it isn?t the end for great health single handedly, it will supplement it nicely. It is necessary along with good exercise in diet for well balanced health. Haven?t you noticed that healthy people are pretty much happy people as well? Along with their humor and self-worth as they are happier, and usually have a great sense of humor to go with it all, they seem to have a natural knack for handling adversity and stress in general. That is at the roots of it all. Dealing with the stress effects everything else including the blood, blood pressure, and other benefits. So what do you say? Does ?15 minutes of laughter a day keeps the doctor away?, fit maybe? Have you already felt this in your own life? When you laugh, your heart laughs with you. Lighten up and enjoy this new information. Laugh, be happy, and same to your heart.
venerdì 8 febbraio 2008
How to be Funny
Humor has got to be one of the hardest things to give advice about. So this article isn't going to be a be-all-and-end-all guide on how to be funny. The best I can do is reflect on my own experiences and try to pull some lessons from them.
I can be a pretty funny guy. I'm never going to become a famous comedian, but if I'm hanging around someone who likes my sense of humor I can have them laughing a lot of the time. I think a lot of people fall into this category. But I've also probably lost a few points over the years by joking around at the wrong time or in the wrong way.
This article is about coming up with spontaneous humor in social situations. The most accurate term for it is probably to learn how to be witty.
So here are my thoughts on being funny. One overall theme here is that humor can be a double-edged sword. If you use it properly you can gain a lot. But misusing it will set you back. I also focus on the idea that humor, especially spontaneous humor, isn't so much consciously created as it just pops into your head fully formed.
Being funny is definitely a good thing. It makes you more fun to be around, and it allows you to inject amusement into otherwise ho-hum situations. Sitting around on a Sunday afternoon watching bad television is pretty boring, but if your hilarious friend is there cracking jokes about the shows the whole time, it's a decent way to pass the time.
But you don't have to be funny. If being funny isn't your thing there are many other ways to give people a reason for wanting to spend time in your company. I've met many guys who weren't all that funny, but who were still way cooler than me overall.
I first really got this concept when I became friends with a guy who admitted it was hard to make him laugh. Being funny wasn't an option with with him so I had to be a good, solid friend to him through other means.
Being around people who are funnier than you often has the result of making your own jokes fall flat in comparison. Usually the right things to do here is to let the other person have their moment and resort to another way of interacting with people.
Sometimes I fall into the trap of joking around too much. Of course everyone knows there's too much of a good thing. The guy who's always 'on' gets tiresome pretty quickly. People also take you less seriously if all you can seem to do is kid around. But getting a laugh from someone seems like such a good thing. They're entertained and you get the validation. It's tempting to try and keep that going for as long as you can. You may even pressure yourself to always be a great comedian. No need for that.
I also know on paper that making one good joke an hour is better than making one good joke and ten bad ones in the same amount of time, but I've failed to follow this advice many times.
Another point is that someone can laugh at something but still not like it overall. I remember bugging my parents to watch The Simpsons with me when I was younger. They'd laugh at individual gags, but obviously weren't fans of the show. You can probably think of a sitcom you don't like but will still laugh at if you ever have to watch it. People may laugh at certain antics or corny jokes in spite of themselves, but they'd really prefer not to hear them.
I think that someone's sense of humor is at least partially connected to their personality and their world view. An overly serious, uptight person isn't going to have much of a sense of humor. Someone who's more laid back and sees the absurdity in life will probably be more funny. A cynical, cerebral person will probably have a more cynical, cerebral sense of humor. A loud, obnoxious guy will probably have a more loud, obnoxious sense of humor. Most people probably understand this instinctively.
You can sometimes improve your sense of humor by adjusting your personality and the way you see things. If you're too pessimistic or anal about the world you may find you become funnier if you lighten up.
But all that applies only to a point. Just because you tell a sick or offensive joke doesn't automatically mean you're a budding child molester or KKK member. I think most people understand this as well.
Where you can run into trouble is that people will assume your sense of humor reveals what you're really like on some level. If you have an overly weird sense of humor after a while people will think you really are weird. If you're always making jokes about dark or shocking topics people can't help but wonder about you after a while. The same goes for random, immature, or socially thoughtless jokes. Look at any comedian whose material relies on using a crazy or neurotic persona. You can't help but think they're really like that to some degree.
What gets you a laugh in the short-term may be hurting you in the long-run if it affects the way people see you for the worse. At various times I've been stung with the 'weird', 'sick', and 'overly cynical' labels, all because of the way I joked around with certain people. They'd laugh at the time, but weeks later they'd make a quip like, "Man, you're crazy. I worry about you sometimes..." Be aware of what impression your jokes are making on other people and adjust them accordingly if necessary.
Humor takes part in the larger realm of conversation and social skills. People will judge your proficiency in these areas by how they show through in your humor. If you consistently make jokes at inappropriate times, or don't consider your audience, or interrupt other people to tell them, then you'll be seen as socially clueless. But as your social skills improve, your humor will get sharper as well.
Every time I make a really witty comment it never feels like a consciously crafted it. It's more like they just pop into my head in response to a certain stimulus. Like conversation, humor often just flows out of who you are as a person. If you get the 'humor generator' in good shape then it will produce good output on it's own.
This also means it usually doesn't work out when you try to force humor. I think everyone's had the experience of trying too hard to be funny and coming up with a lame, corny line that ultimately bombs. If a C-list comedian is a guest on a talk show you can often see this in action. They try to make everything that comes out of their mouth funny, but it just comes across as annoying.
You can't always be funny. Sometimes there isn't enough 'raw material' to trigger your unconscious into coming up with a hilarious line. It's better to hold back and wait for a moment when you really have something clever to say.
Have you ever been ready to speak a joke and there's a little voice, sometimes just a feeling, in your head that's saying, "Don't say that, it's really not that funny"? When you ignore that little voice you usually find that it was right the hard way. Learn to trust your instincts in these situations. You don't always get that little nagging voice, so if you do hear it, it's there for a reason.
One time my buddy and I were hanging around some guys we had just met. One of them turned out to be hilarious and had us all laughing for hours straight. He had a unique, sort of absurd sense of humor. Over the next few days my friend tried to copy the guy's way of joking around. Sometimes he would repeat exact jokes. At other times he'd try to come up with his own observations in the same style. It never really worked out. He was saying certain lines that were only funny in the context they were originally said in. Or he just wasn't as skillful in coming up with those types of jokes on his own. The thing was he was a very cool guy on his own. He had no reason to be a poor imitation of someone else.
If someone makes you laugh, or you see them making other people laugh, it can be tempting to try and steal their sense of humor for yourself. It usually doesn't work. It's forced and unnatural. There are a million ways to be funny so it's best to stick with your own practiced style.
Jobs can bring different types of people together. A few times I've been in a situation where I was working with a guy from a different 'scene' and background as me. He would try to joke around but I just didn't get his sense of humor. It went totally over my head. My mind went blank and I had nothing to say to him after each joke. I mean what can you say to something that's for all-intents-and-purposes meaningless speech to you? There's something about that that really kills rapport between people. It gives you a strong feeling of having nothing in common with the other person, and hence nothing to say to them. I guess the lesson is that if you're joking around with someone and you see that they aren't getting it, to shift gears and try to connect with them in another way.
The opposite happens when your sense of humor just clicks with someone else's. You skip all the getting to know you stuff and jump straight into being buddy buddy. So it never hurts to try joking around with someone a little at first. If it works great, but if not then drop it.
If people don't laugh, seem annoyed, or seem like they're just humoring you then put the feedback to good use. The joke may not be as funny as your think. If it seems no one ever 'gets' your dry, ironic sense of humor, then maybe you need to go back to the drawing board. If you always seem to offend people then maybe you should show more restraint with your material. Think of people's responses as a way to polish your rough edges.
If you know you made a bad joke you can often recover by making a quick comment about how much it sucked. Sometimes the comment can be funny. You can also just laugh it off and admit, "Yeah, that one was pretty lame wasn't it?"
Well it's the best way as far as I can figure. Since I believe a lot of humor just pops into your head, the best thing you can do is load up your unconscious with a lot of material to work with. Watch funny movies and t.v. shows. Read funny sites and books. Watch funny clips on the internet. Hang around funny people. Expose yourself to different styles of humor.
Some of it will stick and come out later. Maybe you'll repeat a funny line you heard. Or a certain writer will have changed the way you look at particular things. Or you'll learn a new way of delivering a joke from a comedian. You may learn a novel way to handle certain scenarios. It'll all be floating around in your head when the right situation will come up. Your brain will put the elements together and you'll come up with a killer line.
If you want to dance well at a club, learning specific partner dances or complex choreographed routines will help you to a point, but it won't directly translate. Learning stand-up comedy or improv affects your social wittiness in the same way.
Learning stand-up will improve your understanding of humor and help you craft a joke. But you come up with all the material ahead of time and then perform it. It's not the same as coming up with a clever and appropriate line on the spot in the middle of a conversation. I've known amateur stand-up comedians who weren't funny at all in real life. It wasn't that their jokes were lame, they were sober, serious guys and never even joked around that much.
Improv will help you think on your feet, but the humor tends to be more physical, hyper, and silly, and focuses on acting out scenarios. When you're sitting around with your friends and bantering about work, it's not the same as pretending you're a robot stuck in a cheese factory with Batman.
A Wide Variety Of London Companions At Your Finger Tips
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How to Attract Women
Let us talk about how to attract women in this column. Humans attract one other for the oddest reasons. Traits one woman finds irritating or even repellent in a man will strike another as cute and endearing. Affection colors perception. The woman who loves you will judge you with loving eyes.
Think of your long nose or jutting ears as barriers to keep the "wrong" women away. Your warts are your very own. Yours. Part of your persona. Even if you were classically handsome, would you truly want women attracted only for that? The traits that are intrinsic to you, that set you apart, that make you unique are what you will be loved for and treasured. Find a woman who will value you for what you are, and she will be worthy of your love.
Learn the lesson here - to look past "skin-deep" appearance. This enlarges the pool of eligible women and improves your odds of finding the one to love... a woman who has likewise learned this.
A man does not insist on physical beauty in a woman who builds up his self-esteem. After a while he realizes that she is beautiful. He just hadn't noticed at first.
What physical traits attract women?
* Muscles
* Slimness
* Hair - facial and chest
* Cleanliness (deodorant & breath spray?)
* Grooming (taking care of yourself)
* Clothes (complementing your physique)
* Carriage and walk (proud bearing)
* Classic facial features
* Weather-beaten appearance (scars?)
* Coloring (blonde, dark... depends)
* All of the above
* None of the above
You might find it effective to cultivate a personal style, to become known by a "trademark". Custom-tailored clothes, boots, colorful accessories, a mustache or beard, and an unusual hairstyle can provide an outlet for your imagination in creating a distinctive "look" and emphasizing your best features. Originality wins extra points, so avoid the commonplace and the fashionable.
Wear an unusual pendant around your neck, perhaps an old coin hung on a chain, a heavy weathered brass or oxidized silver chain, not gold (garish and tasteless). You can find nice 1000-year-old Byzantine coins in the $20 - $50 range at a reputable coin dealer.
All this gives you an ego boost, gets women to notice you and possibly approach you to start a conversation. It will make a striking first impression. Note that attracting attention could have undesirable side effects. The technique is not without its perils, and may not be appropriate for everyone.
Now we come to the critical question. Just how significant are your looks, when it comes to attracting women?
Physical appearance means little.
How then can we explain the recent phenomenon of women requiring good looks, the masculine equivalent of "beauty", in their partners? Regrettably, even otherwise intelligent women occasionally succumb to the propaganda and blandishments of pop culture and its noxious offshoots. They fall prey to the same fallacy that many men have cherished for so long, that people are little more than commodities, consumables, and that physical beauty must therefore be the primary consideration in the choice of a mate. This fraudulent premise turns such women away from the many fine men with whom they might otherwise find happiness and fulfillment. It is the sad spectacle of the moth drawn toward the flame, spiraling slowly downward toward her doom. The last thing any self-respecting man needs is to be hooked up with one of these tragically deluded creatures.
What counts is interior image, how you see yourself, and consequently, how you carry yourself. Inner strength, confidence, pride... all this radiates out into the world, and effects how others see you.
You are an intelligent person. Recognize this. Wisdom, gleaned from painful experience, builds the judgment to make reasoned decisions. Knowledge and competence set you apart. Talents and skills, carefully nurtured, win respect from your peers... yet you avoid the trap of arrogance. Calm and controlled, exercise common sense, that most noble of virtues. You have attained maturity.
You are an honest person. Your source of inner strength is rock-solid integrity, an iron-clad sense of honor. Practice restraint and do not abuse your authority over others. Have a kind, generous heart and help those less fortunate. Value morality, but show compassion toward the weaknesses of others, and understand your own.
You are a shy person. Yet does not your very shyness set you apart, give you your own particular charm, exalt you? Shyness is your center, your power, your shield and armor. Wear it proudly. Glory in it.
Life is funny, and sometimes bizarre. Laugh at it, and at your own self. People who take themselves too seriously are pompous, and make spectacles of themselves. A sense of humor keeps things in perspective, preserves your sanity, and perchance might even entertain your friends and associates.
Let yourself be a thoughtful and caring person. As an attentive listener, you inspire trust in others, and they freely express their feelings in your presence. Your sensitivity gives you insight into their needs. Express your own feelings in an honest but restrained manner, and do not hide your vulnerability. Give and accept compliments. Help. Give comfort. Be a friend as well as a lover.
. . . the reason I please and mean so much to you is that I mirror your inner self, and something in me responds to your very being.
- Hesse, Steppenwolf.
Acquire the skill of translating your inner dialog. Share yourself with others. Speak what you mean, no more and no less. Practice writing, be it a whimsical piece of fiction, or a love letter. Expression is the art of communicating to others your thoughts and feelings, it is a tool and a weapon, and is something of a lost art in the modern age.
Cultivate and learn to trust your intuition. Most people can sense "kindred spirits" even across a crowded room filled with strangers. You find a woman in harmony and in tune with your feelings and beliefs at the exact time that she finds you, almost as if by magic. It is indeed a magic of sorts, a poorly understood ability we all share, if it has not been irrevocably damaged by skepticism and ridicule. It is is a "wild talent", an ability to feel out, sense, intuit, and know another person before even speaking a word to her. Note that this is separate and distinct from character judgment, an important learned skill that acts as a double-check and brake on intuition.
Confidence has at its foundation a sense of purpose. Calm, but single-minded, pursue your goals while respecting the needs and feelings of others. Firm, but not overbearing, inspire others to share your commitments. Forthright and plain spoken, radiate security.
Willingness to stand up for yourself and your beliefs gives the courage to dare, to take risks, though tempered with the wisdom to know when to step back from the brink. Be willing to speak your mind, but know when to hold your tongue. Overcome adversity, survive setbacks, learn from mistakes. Discipline and self-control give you the inner strength to endure. This is perceived as "character".
Be responsible. Keep your word. Always. Develop a reputation for consistency. Win trust by your reliability. Honor your commitments. Give loyalty when it is earned, and inspire it in others.
Stay open to new ideas. Be spontaneous, but reasoned. Accept challenges... judiciously. Smell the flowers. Appreciate a sunset.
Nurture the "little kid" in you, preserve the "boyishness" (women love this). Better to be a bit naive, than jaded and used up. Meet life's hardships head-on - don't let them grind you down, drown you in bitterness and cynicism, leave you broken and hollow.
Be a happy person, and show it. Communicate your joy in life. Have a smile ready for everyone (it can be a shy smile). Cherish mischief and laughter. Play.
Charisma and its common variants, "chemistry", animal magnetism, and just plain sexiness - those are the mysterious forces that haunt so much of human destiny. In truth, we are all blessed (or damned) with these qualities in various measure, yet in the normal course of events they remain hidden beneath the scars and hurts we wear, smothered by lack of self-confidence, obscured by the memory of past failures, masked by the roles our families and acquaintances force upon us. Learn to become your true self, to awaken to who you are and your role in life, to grow, to liberate the powers within - and discover that you, too, can develop the knack of attracting women.
A Mystery Explained
Why are so many women attracted to married men, obsessed by them? The married man has no need to "play games" or prove himself, thus he tends to be relaxed and confident in his dealings with the opposite sex. He wears the shining armor of his experience and exudes an aura of "forbidden fruit". His married state convincingly demonstrates that at least one woman finds him attractive, and this very fact makes him even more desirable in the eyes of many other women - it confirms their judgment that he is worth pursuing. He is unavailable, and his very inaccessibility makes him highly desirable. Truly a deadly combination.
What can the single guy learn from all this? Act married. You need not "play games" or prove yourself, and thus be relaxed and confident in your dealings with the opposite sex. Do not make yourself too accessible to the opposite sex; let women invest at least a little bit of effort to get near you. Above all, avoid the behavior patterns of being "on the prowl", radiating neediness and desperation. Panting after women, with your tongue literally hanging out, you play the fool. Staying detached, just a bit distant, cool - calm - collected, you project confidence and strength. Wear the shining armor of your very own experience and exude an aura of "forbidden fruit", of being the proud, sensitive, strong, and yes, desirable shy man.
Overcome your own appearance prejudices, stop rejecting possible partners because you judge them too fat, too old, too unattractive... Tolerance and compassion toward the "failings" of the woman you seek will help you find the one who will accept your own imperfections. Mutual acceptance is the key.
How to be Funny
Humor has got to be one of the hardest things to give advice about. So this article isn't going to be a be-all-and-end-all guide on 
. The best I can do is reflect on my own experiences and try to pull some lessons from them.
I can be a pretty funny guy. I'm never going to become a famous comedian, but if I'm hanging around someone who likes my sense of humor I can have them laughing a lot of the time. I think a lot of people fall into this category. But I've also probably lost a few points over the years by joking around at the wrong time or in the wrong way.
This article is about coming up with spontaneous humor in social situations. The most accurate term for it is probably to learn how to be witty.
So here are my thoughts on being funny. One overall theme here is that humor can be a double-edged sword. If you use it properly you can gain a lot. But misusing it will set you back. I also focus on the idea that humor, especially spontaneous humor, isn't so much consciously created as it just pops into your head fully formed.
Being funny is definitely a good thing. It makes you more fun to be around, and it allows you to inject amusement into otherwise ho-hum situations. Sitting around on a Sunday afternoon watching bad television is pretty boring, but if your hilarious friend is there cracking jokes about the shows the whole time, it's a decent way to pass the time.
But you don't have to be funny. If being funny isn't your thing there are many other ways to give people a reason for wanting to spend time in your company. I've met many guys who weren't all that funny, but who were still way cooler than me overall.
I first really got this concept when I became friends with a guy who admitted it was hard to make him laugh. Being funny wasn't an option with with him so I had to be a good, solid friend to him through other means.
Being around people who are funnier than you often has the result of making your own jokes fall flat in comparison. Usually the right things to do here is to let the other person have their moment and resort to another way of interacting with people.
Sometimes I fall into the trap of joking around too much. Of course everyone knows there's too much of a good thing. The guy who's always 'on' gets tiresome pretty quickly. People also take you less seriously if all you can seem to do is kid around. But getting a laugh from someone seems like such a good thing. They're entertained and you get the validation. It's tempting to try and keep that going for as long as you can. You may even pressure yourself to always be a great comedian. No need for that.
I also know on paper that making one good joke an hour is better than making one good joke and ten bad ones in the same amount of time, but I've failed to follow this advice many times.
Another point is that someone can laugh at something but still not like it overall. I remember bugging my parents to watch The Simpsons with me when I was younger. They'd laugh at individual gags, but obviously weren't fans of the show. You can probably think of a sitcom you don't like but will still laugh at if you ever have to watch it. People may laugh at certain antics or corny jokes in spite of themselves, but they'd really prefer not to hear them.
People assume your humor reflects what you're like as a person
I think that someone's sense of humor is at least partially connected to their personality and their world view. An overly serious, uptight person isn't going to have much of a sense of humor. Someone who's more laid back and sees the absurdity in life will probably be more funny. A cynical, cerebral person will probably have a more cynical, cerebral sense of humor. A loud, obnoxious guy will probably have a more loud, obnoxious sense of humor. Most people probably understand this instinctively.
You can sometimes improve your sense of humor by adjusting your personality and the way you see things. If you're too pessimistic or anal about the world you may find you become funnier if you lighten up.
But all that applies only to a point. Just because you tell a sick or offensive joke doesn't automatically mean you're a budding child molester or KKK member. I think most people understand this as well.
Where you can run into trouble is that people will assume your sense of humor reveals what you're really like on some level. If you have an overly weird sense of humor after a while people will think you really are weird. If you're always making jokes about dark or shocking topics people can't help but wonder about you after a while. The same goes for random, immature, or socially thoughtless jokes. Look at any comedian whose material relies on using a crazy or neurotic persona. You can't help but think they're really like that to some degree.
What gets you a laugh in the short-term may be hurting you in the long-run if it affects the way people see you for the worse. At various times I've been stung with the 'weird', 'sick', and 'overly cynical' labels, all because of the way I joked around with certain people. They'd laugh at the time, but weeks later they'd make a quip like, "Man, you're crazy. I worry about you sometimes..." Be aware of what impression your jokes are making on other people and adjust them accordingly if necessary.
Humor takes part in the larger realm of conversation and social skills. People will judge your proficiency in these areas by how they show through in your humor. If you consistently make jokes at inappropriate times, or don't consider your audience, or interrupt other people to tell them, then you'll be seen as socially clueless. But as your social skills improve, your humor will get sharper as well.
Every time I make a really witty comment it never feels like a consciously crafted it. It's more like they just pop into my head in response to a certain stimulus. Like conversation, humor often just flows out of who you are as a person. If you get the 'humor generator' in good shape then it will produce good output on it's own.
This also means it usually doesn't work out when you try to force humor. I think everyone's had the experience of trying too hard to be funny and coming up with a lame, corny line that ultimately bombs. If a C-list comedian is a guest on a talk show you can often see this in action. They try to make everything that comes out of their mouth funny, but it just comes across as annoying.
You can't always be funny. Sometimes there isn't enough 'raw material' to trigger your unconscious into coming up with a hilarious line. It's better to hold back and wait for a moment when you really have something clever to say.
Have you ever been ready to speak a joke and there's a little voice, sometimes just a feeling, in your head that's saying, "Don't say that, it's really not that funny"? When you ignore that little voice you usually find that it was right the hard way. Learn to trust your instincts in these situations. You don't always get that little nagging voice, so if you do hear it, it's there for a reason.
One time my buddy and I were hanging around some guys we had just met. One of them turned out to be hilarious and had us all laughing for hours straight. He had a unique, sort of absurd sense of humor. Over the next few days my friend tried to copy the guy's way of joking around. Sometimes he would repeat exact jokes. At other times he'd try to come up with his own observations in the same style. It never really worked out. He was saying certain lines that were only funny in the context they were originally said in. Or he just wasn't as skillful in coming up with those types of jokes on his own. The thing was he was a very cool guy on his own. He had no reason to be a poor imitation of someone else.
If someone makes you laugh, or you see them making other people laugh, it can be tempting to try and steal their sense of humor for yourself. It usually doesn't work. It's forced and unnatural. There are a million ways to be funny so it's best to stick with your own practiced style.
Jobs can bring different types of people together. A few times I've been in a situation where I was working with a guy from a different 'scene' and background as me. He would try to joke around but I just didn't get his sense of humor. It went totally over my head. My mind went blank and I had nothing to say to him after each joke. I mean what can you say to something that's for all-intents-and-purposes meaningless speech to you? There's something about that that really kills rapport between people. It gives you a strong feeling of having nothing in common with the other person, and hence nothing to say to them. I guess the lesson is that if you're joking around with someone and you see that they aren't getting it, to shift gears and try to connect with them in another way.
The opposite happens when your sense of humor just clicks with someone else's. You skip all the getting to know you stuff and jump straight into being buddy buddy. So it never hurts to try joking around with someone a little at first. If it works great, but if not then drop it.
If people don't laugh, seem annoyed, or seem like they're just humoring you then put the feedback to good use. The joke may not be as funny as your think. If it seems no one ever 'gets' your dry, ironic sense of humor, then maybe you need to go back to the drawing board. If you always seem to offend people then maybe you should show more restraint with your material. Think of people's responses as a way to polish your rough edges.
If you know you made a bad joke you can often recover by making a quick comment about how much it sucked. Sometimes the comment can be funny. You can also just laugh it off and admit, "Yeah, that one was pretty lame wasn't it?"
The best way to become funnier is to immerse yourself in funny things
Well it's the best way as far as I can figure. Since I believe a lot of humor just pops into your head, the best thing you can do is load up your unconscious with a lot of material to work with. Watch funny movies and t.v. shows. Read funny sites and books. Watch funny clips on the internet. Hang around funny people. Expose yourself to different styles of humor.
Some of it will stick and come out later. Maybe you'll repeat a funny line you heard. Or a certain writer will have changed the way you look at particular things. Or you'll learn a new way of delivering a joke from a comedian. You may learn a novel way to handle certain scenarios. It'll all be floating around in your head when the right situation will come up. Your brain will put the elements together and you'll come up with a killer line.
If you want to dance well at a club, learning specific partner dances or complex choreographed routines will help you to a point, but it won't directly translate. Learning stand-up comedy or improv affects your social wittiness in the same way.
Learning stand-up will improve your understanding of humor and help you craft a joke. But you come up with all the material ahead of time and then perform it. It's not the same as coming up with a clever and appropriate line on the spot in the middle of a conversation. I've known amateur stand-up comedians who weren't funny at all in real life. It wasn't that their jokes were lame, they were sober, serious guys and never even joked around that much.
Improv will help you think on your feet, but the humor tends to be more physical, hyper, and silly, and focuses on acting out scenarios. When you're sitting around with your friends and bantering about work, it's not the same as pretending you're a robot stuck in a cheese factory with Batman.
I can be a pretty funny guy. I'm never going to become a famous comedian, but if I'm hanging around someone who likes my sense of humor I can have them laughing a lot of the time. I think a lot of people fall into this category. But I've also probably lost a few points over the years by joking around at the wrong time or in the wrong way.
This article is about coming up with spontaneous humor in social situations. The most accurate term for it is probably to learn how to be witty.
So here are my thoughts on being funny. One overall theme here is that humor can be a double-edged sword. If you use it properly you can gain a lot. But misusing it will set you back. I also focus on the idea that humor, especially spontaneous humor, isn't so much consciously created as it just pops into your head fully formed.
Being funny is definitely a good thing. It makes you more fun to be around, and it allows you to inject amusement into otherwise ho-hum situations. Sitting around on a Sunday afternoon watching bad television is pretty boring, but if your hilarious friend is there cracking jokes about the shows the whole time, it's a decent way to pass the time.
But you don't have to be funny. If being funny isn't your thing there are many other ways to give people a reason for wanting to spend time in your company. I've met many guys who weren't all that funny, but who were still way cooler than me overall.
I first really got this concept when I became friends with a guy who admitted it was hard to make him laugh. Being funny wasn't an option with with him so I had to be a good, solid friend to him through other means.
Being around people who are funnier than you often has the result of making your own jokes fall flat in comparison. Usually the right things to do here is to let the other person have their moment and resort to another way of interacting with people.
Sometimes I fall into the trap of joking around too much. Of course everyone knows there's too much of a good thing. The guy who's always 'on' gets tiresome pretty quickly. People also take you less seriously if all you can seem to do is kid around. But getting a laugh from someone seems like such a good thing. They're entertained and you get the validation. It's tempting to try and keep that going for as long as you can. You may even pressure yourself to always be a great comedian. No need for that.
I also know on paper that making one good joke an hour is better than making one good joke and ten bad ones in the same amount of time, but I've failed to follow this advice many times.
Another point is that someone can laugh at something but still not like it overall. I remember bugging my parents to watch The Simpsons with me when I was younger. They'd laugh at individual gags, but obviously weren't fans of the show. You can probably think of a sitcom you don't like but will still laugh at if you ever have to watch it. People may laugh at certain antics or corny jokes in spite of themselves, but they'd really prefer not to hear them.
People assume your humor reflects what you're like as a person
I think that someone's sense of humor is at least partially connected to their personality and their world view. An overly serious, uptight person isn't going to have much of a sense of humor. Someone who's more laid back and sees the absurdity in life will probably be more funny. A cynical, cerebral person will probably have a more cynical, cerebral sense of humor. A loud, obnoxious guy will probably have a more loud, obnoxious sense of humor. Most people probably understand this instinctively.
You can sometimes improve your sense of humor by adjusting your personality and the way you see things. If you're too pessimistic or anal about the world you may find you become funnier if you lighten up.
But all that applies only to a point. Just because you tell a sick or offensive joke doesn't automatically mean you're a budding child molester or KKK member. I think most people understand this as well.
Where you can run into trouble is that people will assume your sense of humor reveals what you're really like on some level. If you have an overly weird sense of humor after a while people will think you really are weird. If you're always making jokes about dark or shocking topics people can't help but wonder about you after a while. The same goes for random, immature, or socially thoughtless jokes. Look at any comedian whose material relies on using a crazy or neurotic persona. You can't help but think they're really like that to some degree.
What gets you a laugh in the short-term may be hurting you in the long-run if it affects the way people see you for the worse. At various times I've been stung with the 'weird', 'sick', and 'overly cynical' labels, all because of the way I joked around with certain people. They'd laugh at the time, but weeks later they'd make a quip like, "Man, you're crazy. I worry about you sometimes..." Be aware of what impression your jokes are making on other people and adjust them accordingly if necessary.
Humor takes part in the larger realm of conversation and social skills. People will judge your proficiency in these areas by how they show through in your humor. If you consistently make jokes at inappropriate times, or don't consider your audience, or interrupt other people to tell them, then you'll be seen as socially clueless. But as your social skills improve, your humor will get sharper as well.
Every time I make a really witty comment it never feels like a consciously crafted it. It's more like they just pop into my head in response to a certain stimulus. Like conversation, humor often just flows out of who you are as a person. If you get the 'humor generator' in good shape then it will produce good output on it's own.
This also means it usually doesn't work out when you try to force humor. I think everyone's had the experience of trying too hard to be funny and coming up with a lame, corny line that ultimately bombs. If a C-list comedian is a guest on a talk show you can often see this in action. They try to make everything that comes out of their mouth funny, but it just comes across as annoying.
You can't always be funny. Sometimes there isn't enough 'raw material' to trigger your unconscious into coming up with a hilarious line. It's better to hold back and wait for a moment when you really have something clever to say.
Have you ever been ready to speak a joke and there's a little voice, sometimes just a feeling, in your head that's saying, "Don't say that, it's really not that funny"? When you ignore that little voice you usually find that it was right the hard way. Learn to trust your instincts in these situations. You don't always get that little nagging voice, so if you do hear it, it's there for a reason.
One time my buddy and I were hanging around some guys we had just met. One of them turned out to be hilarious and had us all laughing for hours straight. He had a unique, sort of absurd sense of humor. Over the next few days my friend tried to copy the guy's way of joking around. Sometimes he would repeat exact jokes. At other times he'd try to come up with his own observations in the same style. It never really worked out. He was saying certain lines that were only funny in the context they were originally said in. Or he just wasn't as skillful in coming up with those types of jokes on his own. The thing was he was a very cool guy on his own. He had no reason to be a poor imitation of someone else.
If someone makes you laugh, or you see them making other people laugh, it can be tempting to try and steal their sense of humor for yourself. It usually doesn't work. It's forced and unnatural. There are a million ways to be funny so it's best to stick with your own practiced style.
Jobs can bring different types of people together. A few times I've been in a situation where I was working with a guy from a different 'scene' and background as me. He would try to joke around but I just didn't get his sense of humor. It went totally over my head. My mind went blank and I had nothing to say to him after each joke. I mean what can you say to something that's for all-intents-and-purposes meaningless speech to you? There's something about that that really kills rapport between people. It gives you a strong feeling of having nothing in common with the other person, and hence nothing to say to them. I guess the lesson is that if you're joking around with someone and you see that they aren't getting it, to shift gears and try to connect with them in another way.
The opposite happens when your sense of humor just clicks with someone else's. You skip all the getting to know you stuff and jump straight into being buddy buddy. So it never hurts to try joking around with someone a little at first. If it works great, but if not then drop it.
If people don't laugh, seem annoyed, or seem like they're just humoring you then put the feedback to good use. The joke may not be as funny as your think. If it seems no one ever 'gets' your dry, ironic sense of humor, then maybe you need to go back to the drawing board. If you always seem to offend people then maybe you should show more restraint with your material. Think of people's responses as a way to polish your rough edges.
If you know you made a bad joke you can often recover by making a quick comment about how much it sucked. Sometimes the comment can be funny. You can also just laugh it off and admit, "Yeah, that one was pretty lame wasn't it?"
The best way to become funnier is to immerse yourself in funny things
Well it's the best way as far as I can figure. Since I believe a lot of humor just pops into your head, the best thing you can do is load up your unconscious with a lot of material to work with. Watch funny movies and t.v. shows. Read funny sites and books. Watch funny clips on the internet. Hang around funny people. Expose yourself to different styles of humor.
Some of it will stick and come out later. Maybe you'll repeat a funny line you heard. Or a certain writer will have changed the way you look at particular things. Or you'll learn a new way of delivering a joke from a comedian. You may learn a novel way to handle certain scenarios. It'll all be floating around in your head when the right situation will come up. Your brain will put the elements together and you'll come up with a killer line.
If you want to dance well at a club, learning specific partner dances or complex choreographed routines will help you to a point, but it won't directly translate. Learning stand-up comedy or improv affects your social wittiness in the same way.
Learning stand-up will improve your understanding of humor and help you craft a joke. But you come up with all the material ahead of time and then perform it. It's not the same as coming up with a clever and appropriate line on the spot in the middle of a conversation. I've known amateur stand-up comedians who weren't funny at all in real life. It wasn't that their jokes were lame, they were sober, serious guys and never even joked around that much.
Improv will help you think on your feet, but the humor tends to be more physical, hyper, and silly, and focuses on acting out scenarios. When you're sitting around with your friends and bantering about work, it's not the same as pretending you're a robot stuck in a cheese factory with Batman.
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